With the new year in full effect, I have been seeing so many tweets saying "starve your distractions, feed your focus," but what does this really mean? Are we all ready to do this wholeheartedly to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be? That's not on me to answer, but I just want to say that in order to truly starve our distractions, we have to be 100% honest with ourselves. We have to do some intense soul searching in order to get to this point. You see that I keep saying "WE" huh? That's because I am challenging myself this year to truly starve anything that I deem to be a distraction because it hinders me from living up to everything that I could be. I challenge you to do the same because let's be real...MEDIOCRITY IS NOT ACCEPTED IN TODAY'S SOCIETY. Mediocrity will have you sitting there watching everyone else "live their best life" while you are there, alone, feeling stuck, left behind, and like life is moving too fast for you. Fair warning, this post isn't for the weak or those in denial to read, but if you are like me, READY to be all that you can be, then keep reading!
Distractions
The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes a distraction as "an object that directs one's attention away from something else, mental confusion." The word confusion sticks out to me the most since determining what your distractions are is not easy because they present in so many forms. To make matters worse, you can easily be unconsciously distracted! Let me use a personal example to get you to understand what I mean. For the longest time, I had people that I called "friends" in my life that were so negative, but to me they were cool, ya know? I was able to look past their constant negative statements about others because I felt as though if it wasn't me they were being negative towards, it shouldn't matter. RED FLAG!!! An obvious distraction. People like that don't tend to get very far in life because they are constantly critiquing the next, looking for a way to sneakily bring others down because they feel so low about themselves. That type of behavior is actually contagious and if you truly want to prosper in life, you should separate yourself accordingly. With that being said, it leads me to my first point.
PEOPLE ARE DISTRACTIONS! I've chosen to separate the next part of this blog into specific sections of what could potentially serve as a distraction to you.
Family
This is a hard one because our family is near and dear to us, but please bear with me. Your family can serve as a distraction. You may hear things like "Oh, you're never going to be anything!," "You need me!," "See that's why things happen to you now!" "Why don't you do this instead of this?," or "Maybe you should wait." Do you ever sit back and wonder if they are telling you that out of love or out of jealousy? If you even have to question it, it is out of jealousy. Some family members, and I mean your grandparents, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, and sisters are stuck in their ways. What does complacency lead to? NOTHING. When they feel as though you are "doing too much" it is an obvious indication that they don't want to see you pass them up or leave them behind, but honestly, sometimes this is necessary. What they don't realize is that all of the negative talks subconsciously affects you. My dad always tells me "Oh, no man wants a woman like you" and has nothing to stand on to back up that point. Never has he ever lifted me up and said that he has a beautiful educated daughter that prides herself in not being easily accessible to men. Never has he ever applauded me for any of my positive behavior, like my work ethic, the fact that I don't ask him for a dime, yet he critiques every single thing I do. In fact, get this, I've been literally kicked out of his house so many times just because I may occasionally leave clothes on my bed or not fix my bed every morning. I believe wholeheartedly that my dad is intimated by my power, intimidated by the fact that it doesn’t matter who it is, I LET NO ONE OR NOTHING STOP ME. He is intimidated by my strength as a woman, upset because I, like my mother, can stand firmly on two feet without a man because I have God. The way my dad treated me made me feel so low like I was not valuable like no one wanted me. It brought my self-esteem down so low to the point where I hated looking in the mirror at myself because I was disgusted. I thought what he was saying about me was true because I heard it so often. I fell into a trap, a dark trap, and lacked motivation to even get up in the morning, because if my own dad doesn't appreciate me, who will? Those kinds of people tend to project the way they feel about themselves on the closest people to them. I'm not saying this to bash my dad, but to prove a point of how toxic family can sometimes be even though we love them dearly. Yes, it is hard and it hurts, but separate yourself from people like this immediately. Why?
BECAUSE THEY ARE AFFECTING YOUR PEACE AND ONCE YOU LOSE YOUR PEACE, YOU LOSE YOUR MIND and guess what? They won't help you get it back.
Friends
Let me start this one off by saying that everyone isn't your friend. Just because you can occasionally hold conversations with people or hang out with them, that doesn't deem someone your friend. "Friends" can be a severe distraction. Why? PEER PRESSURE!!! You don't need anyone around you if they don't add to your life. What doesn't add will definitely subtract. Do you have any "friends" around you that you get bothered by just conversing with them? Friends, that make you feel like you have to dim your light to hang out with? Friends, that take more than they give? Friends that only hit you up when they have a problem, hence using you as a venting source only? Friends, that feel entitled to know what is going on in your life? Friends, that make everything about them? Friends, that encourage bad behavior only? Friends, that judge you without finding out why? LET THEM GO!!! Even if this means not having any friends...LET THEM GO!! You were a solid human being without them and you don't realize that they have brought you down. You have conformed to their mediocrity. Friendships should be natural, not forced, positive, a source of encouragement, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. You always should be able to gain knowledge from a friendship, and when you no longer get that, it is okay to deal with people from a distance. Sometimes, you have to because behavior is contagious and you don't want to start getting yourself involved in something that is too hard to get yourself out of. Yes, you should have fun with your friends, joke, enjoy life, even partake in some things you shouldn't necessarily be doing, but never should that become a norm! Need a personal example for this one? I'll give you one. I met one of my friends in the 9th grade and when we first met it was like she literally was the exact same person as me! We had so much in common and got along so well. This particular friend eventually moved out of state and we still were really close. Over time, I began to feel as though she was envious of me, but never did I tell her anything. It was the things that she would do, the way she would react when something positive happened in my life. I graduated in the Top 10 of my high school class and I texted her so excited with the news on awards night because I thought that I was not going to be in the top 10. She literally responded "Congrats. That was supposed to be me." And then projected her feelings about how she was supposed to be in that spot and at that moment I should have cut her off. Instead, being the nice friend I was, I kept her around. I kid you not...EVERY SINGLE TIME something good happened in my life she would try to downplay it. Eventually, her words started to make me feel like I wasn't doing enough or like I did not deserve my accomplishments. What is that? A distraction. Keep positive friends around you always. Be a positive friend, because like I said before, the behavior is contagious.
Boyfriends/Girlfriends
The desire to be wanted is a distraction. Love yourself! Constantly seeking verification from women or men is the quickest way to not live up to your full potential. Becoming dependent on others in such a manner weakens you instantly. Yes, it does feel good to feel like you "got the juice." But instead of the juice, sometimes you end up with spoiled milk. Sometimes relationships lead you to be controlled. You may start to think about the way your partner thinks. In some ways, this can be good when you end up gaining knowledge, but when you end up feeling drained like you are giving your all and getting nothing in return...LET IT GO! Yes, you may love and care for them dearly, but you don't want to be complacent. Let your partner push you to become a better person. If you are talking to someone that does not care about their future, let alone yours, why are you dealing with them? I used to think that I wanted a man, but being honest, I have so much more to accomplish before that. I GET IT! Nobody wants to be alone, but sometimes you have to be alone to unlock another level of yourself. Stop wasting your time, and become what you want for yourself, not for anyone else!
Addictions
Addictions are a major distraction. I may be stepping on toes here, but using drugs or alcohol to cope is a distraction. Your vision is blurry, unclear, and you are just living day by day. You may lack the motivation to even get simple things done such as applying for a job or school. You may be so high that you don't want to do your homework or even go to class. See what I'm getting at here? Life is just passing you by as you just let it.
Social Media
Maybe I should have placed this one higher on the list, but there is no order of importance when it comes down to this list. In today's society, social media is so important. Don't get me wrong, social media is a great tool for networking, some people meet the love of their life on social media. So many people are making millions of dollars off of social media. The sad reality of it, though, is that there are so many people that are distracted by social media. So many people spend hours on end scrolling, tweeting, posting.....DISTRACTED. You may feel like you aren't doing enough because you see people you went to school with becoming famous, well known,, making money, or accomplishing goals. You can very well do this too! Delete the app. Move-in silence. Take your time to reevaluate yourself, decide what you want out of life, plan, and execute! You got this!! Personally, I delete Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram when I feel as though I am not getting anything accomplished in life. I have to take that time to get myself together and when I feel like I am okay, I may download them again for entertainment because I can't lie, it is comical!
Okay, I know that I just did the most with what I just shared with you, but please take head to what I am saying. You're probably thinking, "Well what do I do now?" This might sounds kind of crazy, but look at life and what and who you allow in your life as a business. If something isn't profitable, it isn’t bringing in money so what do you do? Rid what doesn’t bring much in and market what does. You’d invest in your business this way, so invest in yourself the same way.
FEED YOUR FOCUS!! TAKE A STEP BACK, EVALUATE, EDUCATE, PLAN, AND EXECUTE!! Get in touch with yourself. Get to know you so well that you could easily write a book about yourself. Become untouchable, a force not to be reckoned with! Put yourself on a pedestal, knock off your favorite Instagram model, celebrity, whoever! PUT YOURSELF AT THE TOP OF YOUR LIST! If you like to read, start reading more. Like to take pictures? Get dressed and go out shooting pictures in new places. What you feed will grow so please don't waste your life away by feeding your distractions. I've always been told, "When you feel like you're not doing enough, do more!"
BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE BECAUSE IT WILL PAY OFF IN THE END!!
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